You Stretched My Arms Really Far
by Robert Markham
(Munroe Falls, OH)
My 8 year old son was diagnosed with Aperger Syndrome when he was in Kindergarden. He is now in second grade. After his diagnosis it was determined that I, his father, also have Asperger Syndrome.
I have been married to his mother for eleven years. Four months ago she pulled all the money out of our joint account and rented her own apartment. She took our son but dropped him off every morning so I could take him to school. She works days and I work nights. She says the reason she left is because I am "verbally abusive" to her. I don't see this at all. But I have read that non-Aspergers can find Aspergers rude in speech and Aspergers have no idea that they have said something that offends someone else. If I am verbablly abusive I don't know it. I really don't understand how anything I said can be construed this way.
My wife is overly sensitive and suffers from past abuse issues with her father. She seems to punish and blame me for what her father did to her. I don't like to argue but when she initiates arguments I mirror her anger -- she calls this abusive. As an Asperger, my only other option is to take her abuse in total passivity without saying a word.
A month ago, I called my wife at work and let her know I missed her. I was not at all sure if this was appropriate or how it would be received. She received it well and we started seeing each other again.
One day while I was taking my Asperger son to her apartment he said to me, "Dad, you and Mom stretched my arms real far apart. But I pulled hard and brought you back together."
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