I'm so sorry to hear of your experience and am pleased you had the courage to walk away from the relationship. It is a very cruel condition in as much that there is no cure for it. Aspies have a life long struggle to be understood and to understand, whereas for those who unknowingly enter into a relationship with an Aspie, they are sentenced to a life of self doubt, lonliness and rejection. My hubby is also better living on his own as he does not have to consider anyone elses needs. We have tried having a relationship living apart, but sadly by the time he had done his work, slept loads, watched his soaps, watched his sky news, he only had 2 hours a week to give to a relationship. So now I have had to accept the best i am going to get from this man is best friends. Its now been a year since he moved out and i am struggling to move on. I am tired of being lonely but after 22 years in that relationship, my self esteem is rock bottom and confidence very low.
May 13, 2012 Rating
marriage breakdownNEW by: Anonymous
I was married for 27yrs to someone with aspergers although at the beginning we were unware of this my husband always refused to seek help or counselling life was very difficult outbursts of anger and no emotional support in the end he was physically violent towards me and l called the police he already had a criminal record for assault so sad l spent all those years trying to make it work he is now happy on his own
May 12, 2012 Rating
Me again!NEW by: Anonymous
I know i make separation from my aspie hubby sound easy, and the norm ( couples separate every day). I just want to say it is NOT easy at all. Someone in an earlier post described it like "leaving your child". That is exactly how i feel, especially when he texts me " you dont seem to text me anymore, dont you like me?" Knowing that he has no other person in the world that understands him like i do, makes me feel like ive deserted him. But, how can i continue to be made feel unnecessary, unloved, lonely and, at worse an inconvenience.
May 11, 2012 Rating
Living apart didn't work out...NEW by: AnonymousCat
I too have now separated from my Asperger spouse, after 5 year struggle, we tried remaining married but living separately, however it didn't work.
Some men with Asperger Syndrome are prone to cheating, but not a common attribute to Asperger S.
More often Narcissism is diagnosed as Asperger S. there is no cure for either one. You can find out more on Youtube.com by searching "Sam Vaknin" Narcissism Revisited...
There you can learn how to recognize the difference...good luck to all of you, and hopefully you find comfort and peace on this long difficult journey. Cat
May 03, 2012 Rating
very sadNEW by: Anonymous
I too, have separated from my husband after 22 years, not the first time we have separated. I love this man with all my heart but cannot cope with the lonliness and rejection. He got worse 6 years ago after being diagnosed, and around the same time, starting his own company (his only option, as he struggled to work for others). He announced suddenly one morning that he was going to sleep in another room because my occasional snoring (he snores like a train) kept him awake. I begged and pleaded for him not to, but he was adament,not compromising at all. That was the beginning of the end. He now lives as a loner,as happy as he can be given that he doesnt feel happy or sad, the only emotion he has is anger. Life in the house is better as life used to revolve around him and his moods would determine the atmosphere.He tells me each day he loves me, but doesnt suggest we meet up. I want companionship whereas he doesnt need that, he just needs to know i am in his life.
Apr 25, 2012 Rating
thank you for saving meNEW by: Anne
you spouses have sooo helped me, i thought his lies, selfishness and weird behaviors were symptoms he was cheating on me, and his inability not only to tell the truth or see the truth, and blaming every single thing that happens on me, make me see that it aspergers, he is totally estranged from his 3 kids from first marriage, and now i see clearly from his mothers virtual hermit behaniors and paranoia and the fact that his youngest son has it too, and was only diagnosed when a caring uncle bailed him from jail after he stole from an employer and thought nothing of it at all, now your notes and suggestions will save me, i always felt i was here to love him, but i cannot rescue him, now i can take time for my grandkids etc, and not feel the least bit guilty, and work without worry as he has tried to have control over my job hours etc before, thank you sooo much, if you want to keep up a support line, puot me on it both ways, lolotaan@yahoo.oom. I am Anne.
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Feb 05, 2012 Rating
WHY ASPIES GET ANGRYNEW by: AnonymousCat
Hello, the Aspie gets angry and frustrated, due to his lack of social skills. He or she know, they are different, and feel others are unfair, and lonely. This can be for trivial matters as well, example: like not having dinner on time.
They are totally focused on routines, if you break one of them, they at times, will have a melt-down over it. That is the way their brain functions. Cat
Feb 04, 2012 Rating
aspergersNEW by: Anonymous
why iis he always angry at me only
Oct 19, 2011 Rating
Dear Gina by: AnonymousCat
We can only make it if we tame our egos. Our ego will get hurt no doubt here whatsover. If we know we have a very sensitive ego, we must find a way to subdue the tendency to take things personally. This is the most important thing to remember. Your Aspie spouses are not aware the amount of pain they inflict. They cannot relate on the same emotional levels as we do.
The only way we can remain sane, is to step out of the picture, and look in. Similar to watching a movie on the big screen, you know very well its not the real thing. It takes practice, and can be done. This is my personal experience, I have tried leaving my Asperger husband a few times...the feeling I got was like leaving a child. So I'm not sure which is the worse?
Should we stay or should we go? What can you live with? Its like a being stuck in a hard place and a rock, damn if you do, and damn if you don't. Only your health and time itself can tell. Blessings AnonymousCat
Oct 19, 2011 Rating
You are important by: Anonymous2
We should all realize as care givers, what it means to care for the mentally challenged. It's easy to forget ourselves, however the real danger comes from exhaustion. This is why its important to have a list of things to follow, a regular program to stick to. First on the list should be you. Get plenty of rest, and suggest your husband gets some as well. If you work, this is your escape time, beleive it or not. Seems weird to tell you to escape to your job, but many people are happy to just get out of the house if married to an Aspie. Don't ever feel guilty for wanting some down time for yourself, or be afraid to leave our Aspie by himself, because beleive me, most of them love the their space. Talking too much to an Aspie will only make them worse, so plan very short chat sessions, once as day, 5 to 8 minutes at a time. Then leave them some space, no need to get answers from them right away. They don't focus well on your needs. They are like children.
I hope this helps you,I do this all the time, and it does make a difference.
blessings
Anonymous Cat
Oct 16, 2011 Rating
Description totaly fits my husband too by: Anonymous
I have to say how refreshing this site and these comments are - you feel as tho' you're the only one feeling like this. All of these things describe my husband and i don't know if i can cope with it for the rest of my life - i do feel as tho' his actions/words, or lack of, are deliberate, i can't help it, i am the opposite and don't understand his lack of emotion, empathy, compassion. Strangely, this is the second long term relationship with an AS person - neither diagnosed when i met them. But can a relationship survive when you almost have to give up your own needs and spontaneity?
Oct 03, 2011 Rating
I have suffered much by: Anonymous
my spouse has Aspergers Syndrome, we have been together for five years. At first it looked like a cultural issue, he is from Congo Africa. Then I slowly recognized the communications problem. I have a lot of patience, so I slowed down my speech, and explained things to him, as clear and simple as I could. It helped. One problem I have is I keep worrying about him, due to his inability to respect his coworkers and employers. He gets very angry if they question him about anything. He beleives he is above the law, and therefore always right, however when in trouble with the law, he is completely confused over rules and regulations, which he does not follow most of the time. His temper can be violent, like breaking things in a tantrum, or using physical force if provoked. He needs to have some space at all times, works best alone, is extremely anti social and will ask very awkward in social situations, by asking people dumb and private questions. He doesn't like other people talking, if I start talking it has to be about things that interests him, or he loses focus in the conversation. However if he starts talking, he can ramble on for hours, explaining how a car works, which can bore anyone. We cannot comment while he's talking, so I need to have patience. He lies and forgets the truth. When the truth is shared with him, he refused to beleive it even happened, or he had anything to do with it. If I do have proof he will be very disturbed and get angry, its never his fault its someone else's. If he breaks something in the house due to a tantrum, he will say I made him do it, its my fault. The day he physically hurt me, he blamed me for it, said I made him do it. He is a boy in man's body, which makes him naive and curious about sex, porno, cars, games, and younger people, he can related to. His silent treatment can kill. His punishments of no contact are long.
Jul 11, 2011 Rating
That's my husband! by: Asperger Spouse
My husband and I have just separated. It's very painful for me because I have always suspected he had Asperger's symptoms, now reading this site, the syndrome fits him perfectly. Unfortunately, it is too late for us - there will never be a reconciliation due to the damage he has done and continues to do. He has no emotions and is completely unaware of the pain he is causing to his wife and children. One son also has a few Asperger's symptoms and now I will focus on him.
Before it's too late if you suspect your husband has Asperger's please address it now before too much damage is done.
Jun 13, 2011 Rating
Reverse Roll by: Gina
I am the wife who has been dealing with anger issues with my husband for a long time now and I think he has high fuctioning asperger. I am trying to get him support and help. I think I also need help to deal with the situations and I can say it is tuff. I hope that it all works out for you!
