Asperger Syndrome Behavior

Asperger Syndrome behavior has many faces and especially its variability makes it impossible to describe a stereotype Asperger child or adult. This stereotype does not exist. People with Asperger syndrome are all different and all individuals so their behavior may differ too.

Society today judges someone mostly on how they look, behave and communicate. An individual with Asperger syndrome does not look different from others but does show different behavior and communication. The Asperger Syndrome behavior might strike us as odd.

They appear to be insensitive towards other people’s feelings and unable to read between the lines. They don’t seem to be willing in sharing experiences or interests with people close to them. This is even present in young children.

They don’t pick up on non verbal communication and they lack a sense of what is socially appropriate to do. They avoid eye contact and mostly don’t like to be touched.

This may all seem like the unwillingness in responding to others however their behavior is characterized by an inability to understand how to interact socially. I emphasize the word inability because they sometimes want to socialize but just don’t know how to do it.

Their Asperger Syndrome behavior appears to lack empathy and may seem selfish to the untrained eye. One-sided conversations are common as well as long speeches about their own favourite subjects. They are unable to pick up on any signs of the other person losing interest or wanting to change the subject. Internal thoughts are often verbalized outloud without warning. Their honesty may result in remarks that offend others because the rule never to lie is taken too strict. Also their inflexibility and fear of change can cause anxiety which can lead to behavioral problems.

All these typical behaviors will effect the way they relate to the people arround them.


Starting and maintaining a relationship is a difficult thing to do for those with Asperger syndrome. It requires good communication, the ability to interact socially and be interested in others. In order to have a relationship it is necessary to be able to understand the emotions and feelings of the other person and handle those feelings well. Most of the time these qualities do not come natural to people with Aspergers since they exhibit typical characteristics that effect their ability to relate to others in a meaningful way.

It can be hard for them to even relate to their own family members. When my own son with Asperger Syndrome was younger there were times I felt like having a functional relationship with him:

“ He needs me in order to take care of him, like I am a necessity in his life, but I question his emotional need for me. Uptil now, he has never expressed any emotion towards me at all ”.

My son is older now and has learned to express his feelings towards me as his mother. However when he was younger he was unable to do so.


There are different roles in relationships people are engaged in. All those different roles for the relationship require different skills.

Individuals with Asperger syndrome have trouble recognizing their own emotions and especially expressing them in a proper way. This can cause anger tantrums They have an inability to be emphatic towards others. In order to be emphatic they have to be able to understand the impact their own behavior has on other people's feelings. Most of the time those with Aspergers are not aware of the impact their behavior is causing. This makes relationships challenging for them


Specially in an intimate relationship feelings must be expressed. This can be very hard for those with Asperger syndrome. In a relationship self-disclosure is key, its part of creating that special bond between people. To get in touch with their own feelings and be able to express them on the right moment and in the right way can be extremely difficult for Asperger Spouses


Some children without Aspergers learn a lot from the relationship they have with their Asperger Siblings It can take siblings with Asperger a lot longer to learn how to share or take turns in their joint play. Most older brothers or sisters with Asperger syndrome will try to control their younger siblings by dominating the play or laying down the rules. The lack of imaginative play and flexible thinking as well as their love for rituals and sameness will produce typical behavior which can be hard to deal with.

Read my personal story on dealing with Asperger siblings.


In order to be able to interact with others, it is necessary for everybody to be able to make friends Young children do this from an early age and get a lot of practice in school. Children with Asperger are sometimes unable to play the subtle game of becoming friends with their peers. It will take more time for them in order to understand what being friends means.

The Asperger Syndrome behavior is effecting the ability to form long lasting relationships such as having friends. However if they find someone they connect to, it can last forever!

Have A Positive Story About Asperger?

Have you ever experienced your loved one with Asperger to do something special or unexpected in a positive way? Something he or she learned you never expected? A funny commend, remark, gesture or touching story? Share it! And help others see their qualities and everything they are capable off! Lets spread some 'Asperger optimism' and positivity into this world.

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