Asperger spouses are not very common but many long for a loving relationship such as marriage. Some of them are successful at creating a solid family life.
It is not easy and research has shown the divorce rate of marriages with an Asperger husband or wife is higher than average. For both parties involved it takes a enormous amount of hard work to let the relationship be successful. The most important thing is to be aware of the Asperger Syndrome in your spouse.
Characteristics of Asperger Syndrome
Asperger spouses may show obsessive behavior or special interests. Their thinking is not flexible. Most spouses with Aspergers have many daily routines. This can be locking doors and windows, taking the same route in the car or strict rules for mealtimes such as serving it at the same time each day or eating only certain foods. When a routine has been set in their mind everybody in the family will have to adjust to it and participate. Any form of change such as unexpected visitors dropping by, a change in plans or surprise parties can upset them greatly.
Poor communication is another one of the characteristics. Those spouses with Asperger will take things literally. They lack the ability to read between the lines, don’t pick up on cues such as changes in facial expressions and have a problem listening to others. They can be an expert in one field they are interested in and talk about this for hours and hours turning ever conversation that started out as a dialogue into a long monologue.
People without Asperger are able to gather information about the emotional state somebody is in by picking up on clues in the environment or just by looking at non verbal signs such as body language or facial expressions. Asperger spouses are impaired in this area which is called a form of mind blindness. This impairment involves the inability to read other people feelings or predict some ones reaction in a certain situation.
Spouses with Asperger syndrome don’t feel the need to socialize as much as those without Aspergers might do. They like to be on their own and are considered loners to those around them. They lack skills in social interaction and can find others without Asperger unpredictable in their behavior. Their need to control situations in order to feel safe can make them feel very uncomfortable and unable to function in crowds or social gatherings.
What is life like for those who have Asperger Spouses?
One has to have a clear understanding of Asperger Syndrome in order to be able to understand the typical behavior. Always realizing the Asperger spouse has an inability they are faced with instead of labeling their typical behavior as: unwillingness. If you can see the Asperger syndrome behind the person you have a good change at a successful relationship. If you suspect Asperger in your husband but he or she is undiagnosed, life together can be a very rocky road.
For those who have Asperger spouses the paradox will be clear: they can be so capable in some areas and yet so disabled in others. They may seem uninterested in responding to their partner in a social or emotional reciprocal way. The partner with Asperger can be unable to understand that his or her behavior is causing so many misunderstandings in the relationship. They may be unaware that they are giving mixed or ambiguous messages that can cause confusion for those spouses without Asperger. Also their reluctance of being cuddled or touched can become a real issue in a marriage. Those without Asperger have to communicate in a direct way: I need a hug now! It can be a real burden to have to adjust to all their daily routines, deal with their inabilities and have to ask for everything. Some Asperger spouses want their partners to fulfill the same role as their mothers. This is part of their rigid and inflexible thinking.
Advantages of Asperger Spouses
Most Asperger husbands are reliable and responsible people. They work hard and are good providers for their families. Some of them are boyish naïve which can be very charming. Since most children in general spend more time with their mother, boys with Aspergers may have turned to their mothers for role models and could display more feminine behavior. In adulthood Asperger husbands do not try to meet the obligations society has from men in general. They can be quite happy to help clean and cook. Most of the time when asked they are more than willing to help out with whatever task is needed. All you have to do is ask…
Have A Positive Story About Asperger?
Have you ever experienced your loved one with Asperger to do something special or unexpected in a positive way? Something he or she learned you never expected? A funny commend, remark, gesture or touching story? Share it! And help others see their qualities and everything they are capable off! Lets spread some 'Asperger optimism' and positivity into this world.
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