Perfectionism in Asperger

People who have perfectionism have a strong believe that perfection can and should be accomplished in everything they do. It’s their belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable and they strive for perfection in their actions, performance, work, career, behavior and sometimes their looks. Combined with Asperger Syndrome this can put a lot of pressure on those who suffer from both conditions.

Burns (1994) defines perfectionists as "people who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in terms of productivity and accomplishment". When you are smart and intelligent enough to see your behavior is completely different from those around you this can be very very frustrating. Most people with Asperger are very much aware of their imperfections and keep comparing themselves with others who don’t have it. Their striving for perfection can mean they have set such high standards for themselves which may be impossible to live up to. They might feel they have failed every single day which can be very frustrating. The huge difference between the picture in their head and the performance that comes out of their hands while drawing can make them avoid those situations in which they feel they fail all the time. As a result they might be avoiding situations in which they can appear to be imperfect and fail to disclose situations in which they have been imperfect. This is one of the main reasons those with Asperger have such trouble asking for help and can be rigid their thinking. They will prefer to stick to the familiar routines, the ones they are good at.

Perfectionism can cause people to become workaholics who can't relax; people who reproach themselves for the smallest errors or wrong words for days afterwards. Those with Asperger and perfectionism I have in my family can be very harsh on themselves and have trouble forgiving them self when they make a mistake. It sometimes seems like the end of the world...

What can you do?

Those with both Asperger and perfectionism can tend to be exceptionally sensitive to criticism and suffer from the fear of making mistakes or errors. You can help them get a more realistic view of their own achievements by emphasizing what went well, acknowledge them in a positive way all the time and let them see how great they are doing. My two sons are sensitive for compliments like most children are and I acknowledge them every day for what they do. At the end of the day I sit down with one of them and write down everything that he did well that day. This can be a simple kiss for mom, a compliment for his brother or a nice thought about someone. This way young children as well as teens can learn to see all the things that do go well instead of staying focused on those things that did not work out in their eyes.

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