How to Make Friends?Friendships or social interaction with your peers changes when children grow older. The demands of their peers change and the behavior must adjust accordingly. Research of Selman (1981) shows there are several stages for the development of friendships:
Phase 1:Research has shown making friends is a process that starts as early as pre-school years. In the beginning all children will play on their own. When you are a normal developed toddler it is difficult to share and really play together. Children that age tend to play next to each other instead of really interacting with another. This is a normal phase in the process of making friends all children go through. The peers children at this age play with, is “ just” the person who happens to be there. Maybe some children from the neighborhood or daycare facility. Their choice for play pals seem to be coincidental.Children with Asperger age 3 till 5 have trouble noticing other people in their environment and there for should be made aware of the presence of their peers and be encouraged to invite other children over to play with. In doing this they will learn to initiate contact with their peers. The love those with asperger have for repetitive play and their lack of imagination can be a huge hurdle in making friends.
Phase 2:Normal children between age 5 and 8 will start to discover that playing together with their peers is fun and they will learn how to share with others once they enter school. The play palls are no longer coincidental and normal developed children will be able to initiate contact, play together and make pretend. Pretend you are both princesses or teachers can be more fun then doing it on your own. Children in this phase will start to notice the abilities other children have such as you can count on a friend or he will support you and help you out. Friends say nice things about each other.Once children with Asperger enter school most of the time they are not yet ready to move on to the next phase in friendships. They are still playing solo since their awareness of others is diminished. Pointing out other children their same age could help them be more aware of their peers. Finding a peer with the same interest could help them relate to others. Children with Asperger have to be taught what friendship is and how to say something nice or make a compliment. How to listen to their peers and maybe what the effect of their behavior does to other children. You can try to do this through role-play. Their lack of empathy is their biggest obstacle in this phase.
Phase 3:Between ages 9 and 13 there will be a clear distinction between boys and girls in normal children. Friendships are mostly based on common interests such as the love for a sport or hobby. Sharing mutual experiences is a good reason to be friends with other people your own age. Friends in this phase will be supportive of each other.For Children with Asperger Syndrome it’s important to meet with peers who share their interests. This way they could learn how to listen to others and try to relate to their feelings. For children with Asperger this is very hard to do. Most children with Asperger are immature for their age, and need more time to learn these complex social skills.
Phase 4:When you are age 13 and up making friends becomes a form of cooperation: working together towards the same goal. This is one of the hardest things for Asperger teens to learn. Working together means taking the feelings of others into consideration and being able to put yourself into their shoes. Knowing what the other one thinks and feels becomes the basis for the relationships with other teens. One has to be aware of what your own behavior triggers in the other person. Due to their lack of empathy the effect their behavior has on others is difficult to imagine for those teens with Asperger Syndrome.Asperger teens prefer to interact with Create lots of opportunities for your child to invite some-one over to the house, help him or her take initiative in social interaction. Explain what friends are for and how to be a good friend. Talk about the benefits of friendships and what behavior a good friends should have. Practice these roles with your teen!
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