After the Asperger Diagnosis

Sometimes it seems my life is divided in two parts: before and after the diagnosis of my oldest son. He was 7 when he was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. Off course I felt something was wrong with him in those years before I just did not know what it was and how to help him in a positive way. I was frustrated a lot and did not feel I was able to parent this child. I doubted myself most of the time and unfortunately I kept believing I was the cause of all his problems and his strange behavior was due to my lack of parenting skills. I felt I had failed as a mother.

So when we found out it was Asperger Syndrome I experience feelings of relieve and quilt at the same time. Relief because it wasn’t me who had failed or caused him to behave like this. Quilt because looking back on those 7 years of his life I had punished him for things he could not change: he could not help behaving this way! I knew then, after the diagnosis I had to change since he would not be able to.

For parents to hear their child is diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome is no picnic. An initial feeling of panic hit me. It felt I was on an emotional rollercoaster: What to do next? How to deal with this? Where to get help? What future will he have? Was he ever able to find a job or marry? Those questions haunted me day and night on the first couple of weeks. I was at a complete loss and I think I passed through some of the stages of grief at that time. It really felt like I had just lost my son. The connection I as his mother longed for was no longer a possibility. All my dreams, hopes and expectations of him were out of the question. I had to let go of so many things in order to be able to accept this condition. This took me about a year and after the initial shock had passed I settled down, knowing we had to make the best of it and he would be all right if only I was able to focus on the positive side of this.

I talked to our MP and she gave he some important advice: educate yourself! She told me to learn and read about this as much as possible. To find out all I could on this disorder was the best way to be able to handle it. And she was right. For the first time I went online and searched for more information. I have read all there is to read on autism and Asperger Syndrome especially. I have collected so many good books about this subject and have formed a small “autism library” at home. The subject autism has become my number one passion in life. I felt driven to find out more and to educate others on this so more autism awareness will be created in this world. This is the main reason I started my own website.

I also got help in the form of a support group. There are so many opportunities out there to share your feelings about what it is like to parent a child like this. Parents exchanging tips or information can be so helpful. There are groups online or maybe in your own neighborhood.

Grateful

I am grateful for my son. His diagnosis and condition has pushed me to more self-development. I am doing things now I would not have done if he had not been diagnosed with Asperger. I am learning new knowledge and new skills I would never had learned if he had not been there.

There is hope after getting a diagnosis of Asperger. Yes, at first you may feel it is terrible what has happened but for me and my son things have turned out for the best. I am a better mother now; I support him in his goals, I stand up for him in case he needs it and I am always there for him to rely on. I encourage him to become independent and teach him simple coping skills. He has enriched my life in so many ways and I am very proud of him for doing so well. He is open about his condition to others, aware of his strong points and challenges and proud to be an “Aspie”.

All I can say to any parent out there: educate yourself, get a support system and make sure your focus is on the positive things your child can do!

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