About me

My name is Joy de Vries, Msc. I have a bachelor degree in nursing, a bachelor degree in pedagogy and a master degree in educational science. I have worked as a registered nurse for 7 years, 3 years as a teacher and the last 2 years I am employed as an educationalist at the medical faculty of a large university in my country.

More important than anything else in my life is the fact that I am a mother of two boys named Lars (age 14) and Jurre (age 10) both boys have disorders on the autism spectrum. Lars was diagnosed with Asperger’s at age 7. He is also diagnosed with ADHD. Jurre looked liked an Asperger when I build the site 2 years ago but was diagnosed recently with PDD-NOS, ADHD and Tourette syndrome. His problems are somewhat different than his older brother but they both struggle with the same issues. Both boys are intelligent, well mannered and try to socialize. I think they came a long way and as long as I provide structure, clarity and explain the reasons behind things such as (unwritten) rules or being polite, they are eager to learn and try to make sense of the world around them. However this takes up a lot of their energy.

Both struggle with reading between the lines, unexpected changes in routine, lack of structure and predictability, communicating, social relationships, being flexible, empathy and friendship. We try to emphazise their good points and help them with their challenges. Sometimes this means taking baby steps towards their own independence. I can truly love them for who they are and feel they are underappreciated by society. If only their strong points would be emphasized more instead of focusing on what they cannot do. If only people would understand they are not intentionally hurting the ones around them. If only people would see how they struggle to fit in. If only...

My life is divided in two pieces: before and after the diagnosis of my oldest son. Lars got diagnosed with Asperger’s at age 7 and his regular elementary school was unable to provide him with the guidance and structure he needed in order to learn, socialize with other kids and feel good about himself. He became very depressed and had suicidal thoughts so I had to quit my job as a nurse to stay home with him while trying to get to terms with his diagnosis and ‘home school’ him.

I can honestly say it felt like my world fell apart and I was in deep mourning over this diagnosis and how it made him feel. My son was different I’d always known that but still the diagnosis came as a shock to me. The one thing I did not want to hear. I felt I lost my son and the connection and interaction I longed for with him was no longer possible. I felt relieved on one hand knowing it was not caused by bad parenting but I felt guilty at the same time. I realized I had put demands on him and his behavior he could not possibly do. It took me almost two years to recuperate and accept him for who he was, see the positive side of him and regain the faith he would be able to make a good life for himself. (The worrying never stops though). When he went back to school, a special needs elementairy school, I went back to school too and got my bachelor degree in pedagogy and masters within 5 years. I am reading everything there is published on the topic of Asperger and autism in general. I have a special section in my bookcase with only books on autism and make it a point to get my hands on anything new. I go to lectures, conventions and speeches and have seen a lot of experts talk about the subject including Lorna Wing, Uta Frith and prof. Gillberg. I go to special classes on how to deal or communicate with Aspies at least once a year enjoying everything new I can learn. It’s a topic I can never talk, read, hear or learn enough about. Asperger’s has become a huge part of my life and with my website I am trying to reach out to people in the same situation. I want to reassure those parents and let them know how to help these kids and adults so they can become a more valued part of our society. To create more awareness on Aspergers has become my mission in life. I hope by doing this I can contribute to a better world for Aspies!

Have A Positive Story About Asperger?

Have you ever experienced your loved one with Asperger to do something special or unexpected in a positive way? Something he or she learned you never expected? A funny commend, remark, gesture or touching story? Share it! And help others see their qualities and everything they are capable off! Lets spread some 'Asperger optimism' and positivity into this world.

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